so where am i?

moving in and out of consciousness, confusion, reality, gone, there, here

who am i again?

why can't you see the whites of my eyes?
come closer

i want you to see the inside of me, but i don't want to have to explain myself
i shouldn't have to reveal it to you

i never do.

it's me, the real, the fake, the fuckup

why can't i show you?

because i'm afraid that you'll reject me?
of course not.

i know you will.

you already have.
you just haven't let yourself believe it yet.

what is it that intrigues you about me?  the fact that i'm not plastic?

i'm not a broken doll laying on the floor,
shriveled and waiting for you to brush it's hair with your long slender fingers

just give me a second to recover.

i'm still being pulled in four different directions by the same force, east, west, north, south, but all i want to do is go up

i can't explain myself to you.

i don't want to

look deep into my eyes.

touch my heart with your fingers....take it away....i don't need it anymore..

i need to feel again.
i need to love

what was that word?

love

yeah

right

like i'll ever taste that.

it's too much....i'm not even close

god....i want it so bad. 

but i'm not willing to give myself up
i can't
i'll die

i'm gouging my eyes out....
i don't want to see the sky, i don't want to see the sun,
i don't want to look around my emptiness and not see you anymore...

why can't i just be happy